Rooting for Jay Cutler

I wanted to write a post about fellow Type 1 Diabetic Jay Cutler and how I was cheering him on this past weekend ironically even before all of the drama that has come out since Sunday's game. I am not really sure the details of what all happened or even what his final injury was, but I know I was disappointed that I was unable to watch him finish the game and lead his team to victory on Sunday.

I was cheering and rooting for Quarterback Jay Cutler this weekend because I really admire his ability to manage his type 1 diabetes as a professional athlete. As much as it would have been awesome to have a Type 1 Diabetic be the QB of the team to win the Super bowl, it is still great for the diabetes community to have Jay Cutler as a role model. I know there are many individuals with Type 1 Diabetes that run marathons, play professional sports, and even go to the Olympics, but with each story of these individuals that I hear and the more time I spend with this disease, the more impressed I am of their accomplishments. As someone who probably has to end a run or workout a bit early at least once a week because my blood sugar is out of wack, I cannot begin to imagine how finely they must have to balance their sugars when they compete. I can just leave the gym early or take a break to have some Gatorade if my sugar is low but these athletes have a lot more riding on their ability to control their sugars. It could mean missing a critical play or losing a race- potentially in front of many many people. It takes a lot of skill and likely a lot of courage too.

For Jay Cutler as a Quarterback, not only is physical performance critical, but there is a lot of thinking and strategy involved too. The fact that low blood sugars can cause you to get very hazy and confused just adds to how impressive it is that Jay Cutler can prepare properly to avoid lows and avoid the effect a low could have on him or his team. I also admire how he balances not wanting to be treated differently because of his diabetes by his teammates or the media while dealing with the fact that he….well is different. It is a hard line to walk. Yes we are different but we don’t necessarily want to be treated as so. For example with my friends, would I ever want them to treat me differently? No, but at the same time I also expect them to understand if I need to bail out early or skip out on things if my sugars are not cooperating.

I give Jay Cutler a lot of credit for dealing with his disease in front the country and media with a positive attitude and for his effort to help kids suffering from diabetes through "The Jay Cutler Foundation". Not only is he a natural role model, but he is using his name recognition to raise awareness and help individuals affected by this disease. To me- this all is enough to make me a lifelong Jay Cutler fan.

Nervous About My A1C

As I do every three months, tomorrow morning I will go get my a1c test and tonight I am feeling the same nervousness I feel every time I have my "diabetes check in". For those of you not familiar with what an a1c test is, it is a test that shows your average blood sugar over the past few months and in my mind it is my "diabetes report card". Every three months I experience the same feeling of nerves and worry as I get the blood work done and go to my routine endo appointment for my check up and to hear the results. The test is supposed to be the best indicator of how we are managing our diabetes overall and there are many studies that show the benefit of having low a1cs in terms of reducing various complications. As I sit in the office waiting for my doctor and the results, I try to prepare myself for the chance that it may be higher than I would like. I think of how I will react if the doctor comes back with a number that shows I am "out of control". For example if its over a certain number, will I consider giving up carbs completely to try to get it down? Will I break down in tears and lose it completely right there in the office? Will I be ashamed to tell my mom the results? Will I consider going back on the pump?

I have been very blessed with what I consider pretty good a1c's for the past four years of my diabetic life. In fact they have been so consistent when I was sure they wouldn't be, that I somehow feel like I am destined for higher a1cs eventually as I spend more and more years with the disease. And I feel as though if my "bad" a1c level is going to come at some point, it may be with this next test considering this test will include all of my holiday splurging and the cold/infection I have been fighting on and off since the new year. My sugars have been less than great over the past few weeks with the combination of fevers, sore throats and less trips to the gym. I know this is an enviable part of dealing with the disease and I will try to keep this in mind as I hear my a1c reading next week. As much as getting my a1c results can cause me stress, I also rely on it to "keep me going" in a way. A good result gives me the praise of a job well done for the hours of effort and energy I put into managing my diabetes. Whether the result is good or bad I know I will left with the same disease to deal with and with the same unknown of whether I will develop complications or not. A great a1c is not a guarantee of a complication free life just like less than ideal a1cs do not destine you for bad kidneys, but the results still make me nervous. The result has a crazy combination of feeling like your "diabetes grade" and is very personal like your weight or salary. And for me I think it makes me nervous the most because it represents both my hopes and fears for the future.

Coming up on My 4 Year Anniversary

This month will represent my four year anniversary with diabetes. It was January 29th 2007 when I was diagnosed and for the past few years around this time I seem to think back those first few weeks and months after I was diagnosed. There are certain things that stick in my mind, especially about those few days that will probably forever be cemented into my memory. I can still remember where I was sitting at my desk at work when I heard my primary care doctor utter those horrible words. "We got your blood work back, and it appears you have diabetes". I had no idea what those words even meant at the time. I had no idea that my world was about to turn upside down. I had no idea there were even different types of diabetes. I thought I would be able to take a pill and go about my daily life.

I didn't go to the hospital immediately as most people do when they are first diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. In fact my family and I were in disbelief about my diagnosis for the time between that phone call and when I visited a diabetes educator for my first of what would be many finger pricking's. We didn't believe it because I didn't feel that sick. Yes, I had lost weight and yes I had been dealing with some stomach issues, but diabetes and possibly having to be admitted to the hospital was not anything I imagined for myself. It wasn't until the over 500 blood sugar reading that that it even began to seem like it could be real. The diabetes educator sent me immediately to the endocrinologist who squeezed me in for an appointment and it was there my fate was sealed and I learned how to inject insulin. My mom and I left that appointment, overwhelmed and still in disbelief, and with what felt like a billion prescriptions that needed to be filled at CVS. Despite some distinct memories, those first few days are a bit of a blur.  Looking back I am amazed I somehow managed to still go to work while going to daily doctor or diabetes education appointments.

The one memory that sticks in my mind the most from those first days was waking up the morning after I was diagnosed and heading downstairs to my kitchen counter to test my blood sugar. As I looked down at the objects that were so foreign to me at the time (a lancet, test strips, needles, insulin), I looked over to my mom and began to cry as I realized this is how I would start my day, every day for the rest of my life. I think I might have broken my mom's heart when I said something along the lines of "I was hoping this would all be a dream".

My mom and I spent weeks just learning about diabetes, reading books, going to classes, while my dining room table was covered with all my new prescriptions and supplies. Those first few days and weeks were tough and certainly life changing but I deeply grateful for all of the support and love I received from my dear family and friends. As I look back on my 4 year anniversary, I realize I have come along way- learning and adjusting but I couldn't have done it without my wonderful family and friends. They got me through it then and four years later- they still get me through it today.

Only Reason I'm Glad the Holidays are Over.....

Whenever December 26th comes around, I begin to experience what I call the “holidays-are-over blues”. It is similar to what you feel on a Sunday night when the let down of the end of the weekend sets in and you feel the dread of the upcoming work week. I get like this after the holidays because of all the built up anticipation and because I so much enjoy all of the preparation. (holiday parties, cookie making, shopping, decorating, etc). Despite January through March having a few high points (we are going to Phillies Spring Training this year!!), they are mostly cold and quiet months that lack the excitement brought upon by the holidays.

Something I am looking forward to in these next couple weeks is getting back on track with my diet and exercise. One of the only good things about the holidays being over is that there are so many less temptations for splurging and finding excuses to skip the gym. I can honestly say that I probably eat more cookies, sweets, and carbs between the weeks of Thanksgiving and the New Year than I do in all of the other weeks of the year put together. I do it fully consciously knowing that it may not be the best thing for my diabetes but feeling like I should let myself enjoy and “live it up”. Unfortunately I am often left with crazy sugars in the aftermath, feeling not so hot, and regretting my decision. It is a constant battle between my willpower and the feeling that I deserve to splurge once in a while. (Luckily my insulin is always off to the side waiting to see who wins.) I have been fairly good about keeping up with my exercise over the last few weeks but have eaten more like I did “pre-diabetes” and would like to get back on track. Not only will my sugars be a little bit less erratic, but I know I will feel better too. Of course during the holiday season (and always), I try to do my best with estimating carbs and insulin. But unfortunately more sweets and carbs equates to more insulin and more room for error and more likely a chance that I will end up with a bad low or high blood sugar.

Tonight I will make dessert for a New Years Eve party and it will hopefully be the last “sweet” thing I cook for a while. I will likely lick the bowl and taste how it comes out tonight (and again tomorrow of course) but I can honestly say I am glad to say goodbye to the “season of eating”. January will not have the temptation of egg nog, peanut butter cookies, stuffing, monkey bread, or pumpkin pie- and for that my diabetes and I gladly welcome in the New Year.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Video I Wanted To Share

I found this video on the diabetes blog sixuntilme (a great blog written by a type 1 named Kerri who inspires her readers through great posts on diabetes and motherhood- love her!)

This video reminded me a lot of a blog post I wrote myself a few weeks ago and then decided to take down. (not sure if that is allowed in the blogging world...) My blog post was about things people say when they are not familiar with diabetes- specifically type 1 diabetes. I wrote about some of the comments I have heard over the years, that despite coming from good intentions, still couldnt help but make me "twinge" a bit. After I wrote it and got some feedback from family and friends, I decided it was a bit harsh and I took it down. Although I want my blog to honest and discuss the tough parts of dealing with diabetes, I do not want to make anyone feel bad in the process.

So instead of sharing with all of you my take on the famous things diabetics "love" to hear, I wanted to post this video. It certainly made me laugh and my sister and I even found ourselves quoting our favorite lines and imitating the great computer voices. Enjoy!

Diabetes "Stuff"

Unfortunately with Type 1 diabetes there comes a lot of “stuff”. I can still remember the day I was diagnosed and my mom and I came home from the Doctor and CVS and laid out all of the supplies and prescriptions- almost enough to cover my whole dining room table. I must give diabetes companies credit because over the years they have done a great job in advancing technology and making devices smaller and more convenient to carry. Still, it can be a hassle to ensure you have all of your supplies with you at all times. I think it must be even tougher for guys because they cannot just shove their meters and test strips into a cute cosmetic case or purse and call it day. I was talking to my a guy friend this morning who is Type 1 and wears a pump and he was telling me that sometimes he just doesn’t carry his meter when he goes out on a Friday or Saturday night because it is too much of a pain to carry around in his pockets. Luckily he doesn’t have to worry about carrying around long oddly shaped insulin pens because he is on a pump, but still I can imagine it is not super convenient to have a blood glucose meter, test strips, and lancet device in your pocket (along with your cell phone, wallet, etc) when you are out at the bar on a Saturday night.  Most of the time my insulin pens, meter, test strips, lancet device, lancets, pen needles, and glucose tabs are in one of my many, many cosmetic cases that I carry around in my purse (yes- when you have diabetes you allow yourself to splurge on cute little bags to carry your stuff! J).  I cannot imagine ever going “meter-less” for a night or even a few hours so I have given up many of my super small clutches and have resigned to using clutches that can fit my loads of stuff.  In addition to all of the supplies I mentioned I usually have a granola bar or some other food with me, my CGM (continuous glucose monitor) if I am wearing it, and sometimes even a back up meter.

When I am out on a run, I usually do not carry my meter with me, but most of the time I stick glucose tabs or “gu” and my CGM in my bra or in a fanny pack thing around my waist. (I know- cool, huh?) Wearing an insulin pump does prevent you from having to carry around your insulin because you are essentially wearing your insulin, but you still have to carry around test strips and something to prick your finger with. When I was on a pump I usually carried back up pen insulin with me too in case of a pump break down.

We, as people with diabetes, are so reliant on our “stuff” it’s almost scary. On Saturday, my boyfriend and I were out for lunch and about to walk up to the Ruby Tuesdays Salad bar (yum!) and I went to the bathroom to check sugar, take my insulin and symlin, etc. When I opened my purse I realized my “diabetes stuff” bag was still in my gym bag in the car so I quickly ran out to get it before we began to eat. Totally NOT a big deal at all, but it reminded me of the times I have shown up at a restaurant or at work without my “stuff” and back home I would go because I could not eat or continue for more than a few hours at work without it. We are reliant on our “stuff” to tell us where are numbers are, where they are going, allow us to eat and absorb our food, and help our bodies function the way they need to in order for us to stay alive. Makes me think instead of complaining about it all…. I guess I should really thank the “stuff”.

My Diabetes "Stuff"

Friday Night: Me, The Stomach Flu, & My Dexcom

This past Friday night, after eating a typical dinner at home, I began the dreaded “stomach flu” experience. I got sick pretty quickly after I ate, which of course left me concerned about the insulin I had taken for a meal that no longer was in my stomach. Many times when I am sick, I have the opposite concern. My sugars are usually higher when I have a cold or a mild stomach ache due to the extra stress on my body, but with the stomach flu my concern is always that my blood sugar will go too low.

To help get my sugar up, I ate some toast and sipped on some Gatorade, all the while knowing it would likely not stay in my body for long. As I watched my CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) hover around 70, I took my CGM, Gatorade, diabetes stuff, cell phone, and trash can up to my bed for what I knew would be a long night.  The few times I have had the stomach flu since diagnosed with diabetes (it will be 4 years this January!), I have been lucky enough to have my mom with me, helping me check my sugars and ensuring I don’t go low in my sleep. To be honest being sick with the stomach flu with diabetes can be scary. You are in and out of sleep, getting sick and knowing you are emptying your body of its sugars. It’s a huge opportunity to have a really bad low blood sugar. Unfortunately my mom, sister, and boyfriend were all unavailable to stay with me and I didn’t want to bug my girlfriends, so I relied on my CGM to help ease my fears and get me through the night. I slept with it right next to me knowing it would alert if my sugar went too low.  I looked over at it every time I rolled over or got out of bed to be sick to see if I needed to drink some Gatorade or take some insulin. Luckily the “extra stress” factor must have kicked in and my sugars rose a bit despite being sick through the night.   

Being sick with a cold, stomach flu, or anything else is tough enough, but being sick when you have diabetes adds another layer of complexity to managing your illness.   In addition to worrying about trying to get healthy, you have to worry about trying to get your erratic sugars under control.  There is no replacement for having someone there to help you out when you are sick (type 1 diabetic or not) but I was really glad to have my CGM with me on Friday to help me monitor my sugars.

Here is a picture and link to website of the CGM device I use.
Feel free to visit it for more information on Continuous Glucose Monitoring.

http://www.dexcom.com

(Picture is from Dexcom website www.dexcom.com)