10 Reasons I'm Glad I'm Doing This Triathlon.........

Ok- so I have been neglecting my blog a bit lately. In fact, if I am totally honest with myself- I have been neglecting a lot of things lately.

My social life, my overgrown lawn, Pilates workouts and my boyfriend all make the list of things that have been majorly ignored and lacking attention recently. Over the last few months I have been focused, or maybe I should even say even consumed- by training for the Philly Triathlon and starting a new job at work. The only two other things that have even had a fighting chance to squeeze in were a few family events and holidays and my diabetes care. I am not complaining though. Despite the added stress, sacrifice and even tears, I can truly say I have been happy to be very busy with these adventures in my life, especially the one involving my triathlon training.

With the Triathlon only a few days away, I am filled with so many emotions. Of course I am nervous; worried I will forget something or have a horrendous low blood sugar during the race. But I am also so excited and eagerly anticipating actually doing it all. Overall it has been a wonderful experience. Something worth the sacrifice and something I am so proud to be a part of. I would do all over again in a heartbeat.

So as I pray for good weather the next few days (rain will make the river too muddy to swim) I thought I would share with you 10 Reasons Why I Am So Glad I Got Convinced To Sign Up for this Triathlon……

1)      The Opportunity to Help People: The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is such a wonderful organization and my family, friends, and co-workers were BEYOND generous in helping me reach my fundraising goal and give back to a worthy cause. I am blown away with how much support I received and how much this will help those suffering from blood cancers.

2)      The Chance to Get in Shape: I was never much of an athlete growing up. I am still no Lance Armstrong but I am probably in the best shape of my life. I have lots a few pounds over the last few months and it has been great to feel like I am getting more endurance. My race time on Sunday will be nothing to write home about, but it has still felt good to see some of the long training hours pay off.

3)      I Conquered My Fear of the Bike: As some of you may know, I basically had to re-learn how to ride a bike. I started out slow and shaky but I am proud to report I am far from my days of practicing in parking lots and can safely ride with my clip in shoes and can even take one hand off the handle bars to reach for my water bottle!!

4)      The Great People: I met so many wonderful people through Team In Training. Coaches, Mentors, folks who have completed Iron Mans and others just like me doing their very first Triathlon. All of them have taught and inspired me so much. They offered great support, tips, and were so committed to helping the LLS and all of us triathlon “newbies”.

5)      The Open Water Swim at Lake Nockamixom: This Saturday Morning was one of my favorite parts of my whole training. It was not only my first open water lake swim but it was official intro to Wet Suits. I went crazy for the wet suit.  How can you not?!!  It helps you swim and it is basically a warm comfy Snuggie. Pretty amazing.

6)      I Will So Much More Appreciate Sleeping In. Some of the early Saturday AM workouts were tough. I will totally enjoy sleeping in after this training is over. And I won’t feel so bad if I skip a workout. Sleeping in and skipping work outs – sounds incredible.

7)      My Cool Biker Short Tan: Ha no- it’s not a pretty sight actually…..but I loved being able to spend so much time outside while biking or running and being able to explore new bike trails in my area and paths around Kelly Drive. It was really awesome.

8)      The Triathlon was my Hobby: I have always struggled to find “my thing”. I was never an athlete, artist, musician, gardener, cook, writer, or tech-geek. In fact- I am still not sure what “my thing” is. But at least for a couple months, I had a thing. I had a challenge and a goal. Raising money, training and being involved in this was my thing. I liked having a thing.

9)      The Cool Gadgets: How else would I have ever known that there was such thing as a lap counter? (You wear it on your pointer finger to time yourself and count laps in the pool). And I am totally addicted to my GPS enabled watch to track miles while running. Not so good for the wallet- but there are some really cool gadgets out there.

10)   It took Courage: I hate to admit it, but my diabetes scares me. Low blood sugars during workouts scare me and high and low blood sugars before something important scare me. This whole undertaking scared me because of my diabetes and because of the unknown of how my body would react to all of this day to day- workout to workout.  I certainly don’t have it all figured out. Nor did I get it right all the time or do I know what Sunday will bring in terms of my blood sugar control. This experience has forced me to dig up courage and be brave in some really big ways. Was I fearless and strong everyday? No. Did I sometimes doubt myself or want to throw my meter in pool? Yes.  But in the end it has all been worth it. I "tried again tomorrow" as my favorite quote below states and I think I am a little stronger because of it all.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow”

 -Mary Anne Radmacher

Thoughts on Blogging

Ever since my last post about my "day off from diabetes" I have been doing a lot of thinking about this whole blog thing. I started this blog for two reasons. 1- I wanted a way to reach out to the diabetes community and had hopes that my blog could somehow help or inspire others affected by Type 1 Diabetes and 2- I thought it would be a good outlet for me to share my ups and downs and help me as I work to manage stress and the variety of other emotions we all go through in our daily lives. I never wanted my blog to be a place where I would simply complain or vent negative thoughts and feelings and I certainly never wanted anyone to read my blog and be left sad, discouraged or thinking I am asking for any type of sympathy as I deal with my disease. At the same time, I want to be able to be honest about my feelings no matter which end of the spectrum they may be on, which is why I am struggling a bit with this last post.

After I put up my post about wishing among other things that I could run out the house with a very small clutch containing nothing that has the word "glucose" associated with it, I thought I had posted something light hearted but at the same time real and honest. It felt good to daydream even just for a half hour about having a day off from diabetes and it felt good to write about it. What didn’t feel good was having both my Mother and Sister say that reading the post had made them sad. On the one hand, I realize this was maybe in a way inevitable because they love me and only want the very best for me diabetes related and not. Still, it got me thinking if maybe that blog post (and other posts) have been too negative and maybe even seemed as though I wanted people to feel bad for me living in my world where I do not have a day off from diabetes. Although I do wish everyday for a cure for diabetes, every day I also remind myself of the many many blessings in my life. I have wonderful friends and family that support me and love me and bring me so much happiness. I am lucky to have a great job that allows for me to live comfortably and get fabulous medical care and overall I am in great health. I would like to think I don't spend much time feeling bad for myself in terms of my diabetes and in fact,I think this blip in the road has only made me more grateful and aware of all of the wonderful things in my life.

 Diabetes can be tough sometimes and I may get frustrated, scared and even angry at times but overall I know how truly lucky I am and I hope that this comes across to both those who know me and those who read my blog. I want to write about the hard stuff to show others with similar struggles that they aren't alone, but I realize I can't have a blog filled with only worries, wishes and complaints. Maybe I just need to make time to write more about all the special things going on in my life that I am so grateful for. Nieces taking their first steps, grandparents turning another year older, and having a simple dinner and movie night with my boyfriend. It is these things that make me feel so blessed and grateful but many times I am only moved to blog when something is troubling me or I feel the need to vent.

So where does this leave me with my blog? I am hoping to continue with my blog and with writing, but am realizing just how hard it is to put yourself and your real feelings out there. With a blog, you are only putting up small snip-its into your life and don’t know how others will interpret it. I guess I will do some more thinking about this blogging thing and keep writing as I find the time and feel inspired. But in the meantime, please know- yes I would certainly love a day off from diabetes- but a day off from everything else wonderful in my life- no chance.

If I Could Have One Day Off From Diabetes.......

I would leave the house without checking my blood sugar or eating breakfast just for the liberating feeling that I can race out the door without thinking of ratios, the dawn phenomena, carbs or boluses.Once at work I would go to cafeteria for breakfast and get pancakes with syrup. Real syrup on real pancakes- and I would indulge in a breakfast that I have hidden away from for years due to the high sugar content.  I would attend all my meetings at work with only a notepad and a pen- no diabetes bag or CGM and wouldn’t have to worry about having an unpredictable low during an important meeting or event.

I would maybe have a mid morning coffee since I wouldn’t need to bolus for the what I call the "caffeine effect" and would be able to meet my co-workers in the cafeteria for lunch without stopping off to check my sugar and take my shots. For lunch I would take the plunge and get a sandwich despite not knowing exactly what kind of bread it was and how many carbohydrates that means.  If something came up and I wanted to save the rest of my sandwich for later, it wouldn’t be a big deal, I wouldn’t have any insulin on board waiting for that other half.

After work I would go out for a long run and maybe even a bike ride too without having to eat a snack first and I wouldn’t once worry about how blood sugar was doing. I would instead be able to totally focus on my workout and enjoying my “me/stress-free” time. I wouldn’t stop to check my CGM or blood sugar and would only turn around to head back home because I felt like it. I wouldn’t head home because I only had a half an apple before my run or because I felt my sugar dropping. I would stop my workout on my terms- when I felt as though I had gotten in a full good workout.

I would shower and get dressed happy to be getting ready without worrying about concealing the CGM device I typically wear and hide under shirts and dresses.  I would borrow back one of the small clutches or wristlets I have passed on to my sister since they don’t fit all of my diabetes stuff and go out for dinner and drinks with only a small bag that would not include a meter, strips, needles, granola bars, and glucose tabs. I would order a sugary strawberry daiquiri or cosmo instead of my typical white wine and if it took a while to get a table I would know I wouldn’t need to pop a few glucose tabs to hold me over. At dinner I would order whatever I wanted- again not worrying about carbs, how fat content would affect my insulin dosing, or hidden sugars. I wouldn’t need to hide blood sugar testing under the table or take my shots discreetly and I would maybe even order my very own dessert.

9:30PM would come and go without my nightly long acting insulin dose and I would get ready for bed without checking my blood sugar. I wouldn’t need to make sure my meter and all necessary supplies were on my nightstand within easy reach and I would sleep better than I have slept in years knowing that my blood sugar would be stable despite my exercise that day, food/alcohol intake or hormone fluctuations throughout the night. I wouldn’t be woken up in the middle of the night by feelings of shakiness or sweats associated with a low or by a beeping CGM device.  I would wake up after a restful night sleep and realize my one day off from diabetes was over. No more pancakes, worry-free workouts and clutches for me. I would get out of bed, walk downstairs to find my meter, and I would check my blood sugar.

First Group Bike Ride!

As some of you may know, the part of the triathlon that is scaring me the most is the bike ride. I am sure I should be just as nervous (or maybe even more nervous) about swimming in the Schuykill River or trying to get my legs to even move after a swim and a 25 mile bike ride, but the biking is what worries me the most. Getting comfortable on my new bike has been a sloooooow process but I am happy to say that I survived our first group bike ride this past Sunday.

My practice on the bike before Sunday had progressed from riding around an open parking lot near my house and just practicing getting on and off the bike to being out for close to 45 minutes on West River Drive two Saturdays ago. I was pretty excited about my 45 minute/8 mile personal record but realized I still had a long way to go when I overheard some real bikers say at a bike “101”  last week that 45 minutes is a mere warm up. (I didn’t realize this sport was going to be so time consuming!?! Sheesh!)

Anyway I was very nervous for Sundays bike ride since I knew we would likely be going 20 miles or so and I still get nervous about other bikers, curves in the road, how to pass, and lots of other things related to my bike. I wasn’t sure exactly how long the ride would be but I wanted to make sure I was prepared with all my diabetes stuff just in case. When go out running I typically carry glucose tabs or GU but I rarely bring a meter or my CGM. Since we would be out biking for a while and for a distance I had never gone before, I figured I needed to load up my bike bags with as much as I could.

In my front bag (one I could access with my hands if I had the courage to take one hand off the handle bars while the bike is in motion) I had my CGM, a meter, strips, a lancet, and glucose tabs- all in plastic baggies in case it rained. In my bag in the back I had my stuff to fix a flat (yea…not like I know how to use that yet…), a protein bar, sugary GU candy things, and a small Gatorade. It was a tight fit but I felt more comfortable knowing I had all of this with me.

My blood sugar was high when I woke up Sunday AM from Sean and I going a bit too nuts with the chips and guac at dinner out the night before so I took some correction insulin, but reduced my bolus in half for my toast with PB & banana to account for the ride. The ride began right near my house which was super convenient and I along with all my diabetes stuff, started out the ride near the back of the pack but with some teammates I had rode with before. The ride overall went well. Near mile 9 or so I saw my CGM buzz “LOW- Under 70” so I stopped to check my sugar. Some of the girls went ahead to stop off at the bathroom and I stayed back shifting through my front bike bag for my meter and strips. Although my CGM said I had dropped to 48 my blood sugar was 101- which wasn’t all that bad. I popped a few glucose tabs since I knew we were only about half way through and we went on our way. My sugar stabilized the rest of the ride and I ended the 20 mile bike ride with a BG around 140. We were out for about an hour and half and I felt good. I was tired but not too exhausted and had gone a lot faster and further than I had before. I had gotten practice on some small curves and hills and was getting a little more usto yelling “left” when riding by people on the bike path.

Today my legs are sore but a good sore.  And if it wasn’t for the 80 degree weather I probably would have taken the day off from training since I had pushed myself hard with my work outs Friday and Saturday too- but I just had to get out there and run today since the weather was so beautiful. I know I still have a lot of training and practicing to do, but overall I am feeling a lot better about the biking. When I go out on my bike it is now more because I want to- instead of feeling like I NEED to in order to overcome my fears and begin training. Now if I could only get usto my clip-in bike shoes!!!

A Good Day for Carbs

There are days when I am convinced my body must be producing insulin. Days when I feel as though I have been miraculously cured of my Type 1 diabetes and that somehow, someway my pancreas has come back from the dead to help me out. Yesterday was one of those days. My CGM hovered around my “low alarm line” of 70 most of the day and despite over-treating for lows, I never saw a blood sugar above 82. 

My BG Numbers for the Day.......

7:01am                 80           Great!

7:45am                 48           Ugh.

11:18am               81           Huh, surprised I didn’t rebound from that AM low…

12:07pm               42           After lunch…really?!?

2:01pm                 78           Still not climbing after waaay tooo many pretzels…..

4:51pm                 81           Eek-will I be able to workout today?!

7:04pm                 82           After an apple and spinning class…not bad…

8:27pm                 77           Guess I will have some fruit before bed….

Of course I am almost certain my pancreas did not have a change of heart and it’s likely the impact of my triathlon training is at least partially to blame for this crazy day of lows.  I worked out hard this past weekend, specifically on Sunday when I swam in the morning and went for a long run in the afternoon. I am sure my new workout routine is bringing my numbers down and changing my insulin requirements and I have been working to offset this by adjusting dosing and ratios. Still there have been days like this in the past, where exercise has not been as large as a factor, and I feel as though there must be insulin being produced somewhere in my body. It is not so much a “honeymoon period” because it only lasts a day or so but it leaves me exhausted, skipping workouts, reducing insulin intake and eating any carb I can get my hands on.

A year or so ago as I was having one of my “insulin producing” days, I found myself in the unlikely situation of sitting in a Dunkin Donuts eagerly scarfing down a blueberry AND a chocolate chip muffin. Usually straying away from donuts, bagels, and muffins since they typically send my BG through the roof, I walked away with a BG no higher than 150 or 160. Pretty much a medical miracle in my mind.

I will never be able to explain what was going on with my sugars that day or what caused all my lows yesterday. It could have been exercise, hormones, or maybe a pancreas beta cell giving a last chance effort.  Maybe it is a little of all three. That is what keeps diabetes interesting I guess. The only thing I really know for sure is that my brief period of lows will likely not last too long. I'll try to enjoy it, cause sooner or later a big fat 287 blood sugar will show up on my meter when I least expect it- reminding me that, yep, I still have diabetes.  I will slowly back away from the baked goods now.

Back From Vacation

Since my guest post on Kerri's Site about being the "perfect" person with diabetes, I have been well... far from the "perfect" blogger.  I wish I had found more time to write over the past two weeks since there has been lots going on, but somehow every time I sat down to write, something (including vacation) seemed to get in the way.

I first want to mention that the whole guest post experience turned out to be even more exciting and meaningful to me than I had ever thought it would be. I can't even describe how wonderful it was to read all the super nice comments I got on both her site as well as my own, from people saying they enjoyed the post and could relate to where I was coming from. To even just hear one person say that reading my blog made their day made my whole week! I am so appreciative to Kerri for helping me further connect to the Diabetes Community.

I  got back on Saturday from a week long vacation with my boyfriend in Clearwater Beach, Flordia. We were lucky enough to have a really great week- full of wonderful weather, time on the beach, a day trip to Busch Gardens and a few Phillies Spring Training games.

In terms of my diabetes while on vacation, I did have some highs, likely due to some splurges (homemade ice cream one night and some beers on the beach and at phils games- beer typically makes my blood sugar skyrocket) but overall my numbers were pretty good. My numbers typically tend to be better while on vacation because I am up and moving around more (versus sitting in a chair all day) and I am overall more relaxed and free from stress. It usually works out pretty nicely- the less stress and more activity helps balance my vacation indulgences.

While I was on vacation, I was also lucky enough to reach my fundraising goal for my Team In Training Triathlon. My family, friends, and co-workers have been BEYOND generous and supportive and I am so very appreciative. It means so much to me.  I very excited to be able to help the LLS raise this money and to be able to help this worthy cause. Thank you to everyone for their kindness and support!!

My Guest Post on Kerri's Site!

I am super excited to have a guest blog post up on Kerri Sparling's Blog Site sixuntilme. Kerri is a huge inspiration for me in terms of being a mom with Type 1 diabetes who uses her voice to advocate and share her story with others.  She is a very talented writer and has a huge following in the diabetes community.

I had the chance to meet Kerri this past summer (the way I reacted you would have thought I just met Brad Pitt!) and I credit her with inspiring me to start a blog of my own.

Thanks Kerri for letting me guest blog on your site! It is truly an honor! :)

You can check it out here: http://www.sixuntilme.com/

The Highs and Lows of the Week

This week as I continued my training and preparation for the PHLY Tri, I found myself at both ends of the spectrum in terms of emotions and blood sugars.  This past week has been both exhausting and energizing, filled with discouragement and promise, and certainly had some highs and lows.  

On Thursday I went for my final bike fitting with the folks at Wheel Wright Bike Shop and could not have been more excited to get the final tweaks made to my bike and load it up in my car to take it home. It was definitely a high point of the week. I officially owned a bike- complete with everything from a new helmet and shoes to a tire pump and a little compartment to hold all my diabetes necessities.

The low point and discouragement came into play when I went out on my bike Friday after work. Friday afternoon was an atypical February day here in the Philadelphia area with temperatures close to 65 degrees. Having brought my new bike home the night before, I could not wait to get home to take it for spin. I was quickly brought back to reality as I realized that this new bike, although custom fit to me, definitely has a different feel and fit than that mountain bike I rode as a kid.  It was not as simple as I had hoped to just jump on the bike, clip in my new fancy shoes, and ride off into the distance.  Let’s just say after a few falls and some discouragement and embarrassment, I walked my bike back to my house realizing I have a long way to with this bike thing.

My blood sugars have also seen both the tippy tops and lowest of lows this week. I‘m loving the change in my workouts in terms of adding spinning and swimming to my routine, but it has been a challenge (and exhausting) to try to balance my sugars with these changes.  The swimming drills at the our Team in Training swim practices have not been lowering my blood sugars as much as I expected and I was left with a 318 reading this past Saturday when I got out of the pool. Ugh.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I had my lowest reading to date this past week.  I could hardly believe it when my meter showed me a glaring “26” after dinner reinforcing that my new work outs are really pushing me and I may need to make some insulin adjustments to account for it.

Another high point of the week came as I began fundraising for my event.  As I drafted my letters, set up my website and sent emails to my family and friends, I was grateful and energized about the opportunity to make a difference for those suffering from blood cancers. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is a wonderful organization that is committed to finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkins disease and myeloma. They work to improve the quality of lives of patients and their families and I am so excited and honored to be a part of this effort.  With each donation that came through this week, I was touched by the generosity of my family and friends and filled with hope and promise for these the patients whose lives will be greatly impacted by our support.

This high point of my week is truly the most important aspect of all of my efforts related to this triathlon and through times of discouragement, low blood sugars, and feelings of exhaustion, I work to remember all of the patients so deserving of our help and why I have challenged myself to this effort.  I already know that despite any roadblocks or lows along the way, what we are doing for these individuals will make it far worth it in the end.

If you are interested in supporting the LLS, feel free to visit my site for more information:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/epa/philtri11/hschweizer

Thank You!!

Did I really just sign up for a Triathlon?!?!

Last Thursday night I went with a friend of mine from work to a Team In Training Meeting. I had heard such great things about Team In Training, which raises money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so I tagged along. I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to sign up to participate in one of the events because I have always fought a fear of doing any sort of run or race while managing my diabetes. Nevertheless I went to the meeting. After 20 minutes of chatting with some super nice and encouraging TNT staff and participants, my friend Sara and I found ourselves signing up for the Philly Triathlon this June! I left the meeting feeling both excited and nervous for what I had just gotten myself into. I am thrilled about the opportunity to help such a wonderful cause and be able to meet what I am sure will be some amazing people along the way. I am also excited for both the physical and emotional challenge this will for me since I am not much of a swimmer or biker, and because I will need to manage my sugars very closely while I train and participate in the event. And that is where the nerves come in. I am nervous about low blood sugars and nervous about preparation. I am even nervous about managing potential high blood sugars and how my body will react to the stress and event of the actual race day. A lot about this scares me, but overall I am really excited to begin training and participating in something that helps people so deserving of hope for a better future.

Since last Thursday I have taken some small steps in my triathlon journey including bike shopping and taking my first spin class in years. The spin classes have been a welcome change in my typical workout routine (I feel like I can barely walk afterwards!) and the bike shopping has been a success as well. I found a great bike shop in my area where the staff took LOTS of time explaining to me all different types of bikes and what all I need to get me started. The best part about the bike shopping was that the staff was so supportive and excited for me and my new challenge. It made me even more eager to get fitted and started on the bike.

I know I will have lots more to blog about over the coming weeks and months as re-learn how to ride a bike, begin training, and start fundraising for the event. I am sure parts of it will not be easy and that it will test me both physically and emotionally, but it will be nothing compared to what those fighting Leukemia & Lymphoma go through every day. I look forward to the chance to be a part of something that will really make a significant difference in these inspiring people’s lives. (And I look forward to sharing it with all of you as well!!) Wish me luck!!

Rooting for Jay Cutler

I wanted to write a post about fellow Type 1 Diabetic Jay Cutler and how I was cheering him on this past weekend ironically even before all of the drama that has come out since Sunday's game. I am not really sure the details of what all happened or even what his final injury was, but I know I was disappointed that I was unable to watch him finish the game and lead his team to victory on Sunday.

I was cheering and rooting for Quarterback Jay Cutler this weekend because I really admire his ability to manage his type 1 diabetes as a professional athlete. As much as it would have been awesome to have a Type 1 Diabetic be the QB of the team to win the Super bowl, it is still great for the diabetes community to have Jay Cutler as a role model. I know there are many individuals with Type 1 Diabetes that run marathons, play professional sports, and even go to the Olympics, but with each story of these individuals that I hear and the more time I spend with this disease, the more impressed I am of their accomplishments. As someone who probably has to end a run or workout a bit early at least once a week because my blood sugar is out of wack, I cannot begin to imagine how finely they must have to balance their sugars when they compete. I can just leave the gym early or take a break to have some Gatorade if my sugar is low but these athletes have a lot more riding on their ability to control their sugars. It could mean missing a critical play or losing a race- potentially in front of many many people. It takes a lot of skill and likely a lot of courage too.

For Jay Cutler as a Quarterback, not only is physical performance critical, but there is a lot of thinking and strategy involved too. The fact that low blood sugars can cause you to get very hazy and confused just adds to how impressive it is that Jay Cutler can prepare properly to avoid lows and avoid the effect a low could have on him or his team. I also admire how he balances not wanting to be treated differently because of his diabetes by his teammates or the media while dealing with the fact that he….well is different. It is a hard line to walk. Yes we are different but we don’t necessarily want to be treated as so. For example with my friends, would I ever want them to treat me differently? No, but at the same time I also expect them to understand if I need to bail out early or skip out on things if my sugars are not cooperating.

I give Jay Cutler a lot of credit for dealing with his disease in front the country and media with a positive attitude and for his effort to help kids suffering from diabetes through "The Jay Cutler Foundation". Not only is he a natural role model, but he is using his name recognition to raise awareness and help individuals affected by this disease. To me- this all is enough to make me a lifelong Jay Cutler fan.

Nervous About My A1C

As I do every three months, tomorrow morning I will go get my a1c test and tonight I am feeling the same nervousness I feel every time I have my "diabetes check in". For those of you not familiar with what an a1c test is, it is a test that shows your average blood sugar over the past few months and in my mind it is my "diabetes report card". Every three months I experience the same feeling of nerves and worry as I get the blood work done and go to my routine endo appointment for my check up and to hear the results. The test is supposed to be the best indicator of how we are managing our diabetes overall and there are many studies that show the benefit of having low a1cs in terms of reducing various complications. As I sit in the office waiting for my doctor and the results, I try to prepare myself for the chance that it may be higher than I would like. I think of how I will react if the doctor comes back with a number that shows I am "out of control". For example if its over a certain number, will I consider giving up carbs completely to try to get it down? Will I break down in tears and lose it completely right there in the office? Will I be ashamed to tell my mom the results? Will I consider going back on the pump?

I have been very blessed with what I consider pretty good a1c's for the past four years of my diabetic life. In fact they have been so consistent when I was sure they wouldn't be, that I somehow feel like I am destined for higher a1cs eventually as I spend more and more years with the disease. And I feel as though if my "bad" a1c level is going to come at some point, it may be with this next test considering this test will include all of my holiday splurging and the cold/infection I have been fighting on and off since the new year. My sugars have been less than great over the past few weeks with the combination of fevers, sore throats and less trips to the gym. I know this is an enviable part of dealing with the disease and I will try to keep this in mind as I hear my a1c reading next week. As much as getting my a1c results can cause me stress, I also rely on it to "keep me going" in a way. A good result gives me the praise of a job well done for the hours of effort and energy I put into managing my diabetes. Whether the result is good or bad I know I will left with the same disease to deal with and with the same unknown of whether I will develop complications or not. A great a1c is not a guarantee of a complication free life just like less than ideal a1cs do not destine you for bad kidneys, but the results still make me nervous. The result has a crazy combination of feeling like your "diabetes grade" and is very personal like your weight or salary. And for me I think it makes me nervous the most because it represents both my hopes and fears for the future.

Coming up on My 4 Year Anniversary

This month will represent my four year anniversary with diabetes. It was January 29th 2007 when I was diagnosed and for the past few years around this time I seem to think back those first few weeks and months after I was diagnosed. There are certain things that stick in my mind, especially about those few days that will probably forever be cemented into my memory. I can still remember where I was sitting at my desk at work when I heard my primary care doctor utter those horrible words. "We got your blood work back, and it appears you have diabetes". I had no idea what those words even meant at the time. I had no idea that my world was about to turn upside down. I had no idea there were even different types of diabetes. I thought I would be able to take a pill and go about my daily life.

I didn't go to the hospital immediately as most people do when they are first diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. In fact my family and I were in disbelief about my diagnosis for the time between that phone call and when I visited a diabetes educator for my first of what would be many finger pricking's. We didn't believe it because I didn't feel that sick. Yes, I had lost weight and yes I had been dealing with some stomach issues, but diabetes and possibly having to be admitted to the hospital was not anything I imagined for myself. It wasn't until the over 500 blood sugar reading that that it even began to seem like it could be real. The diabetes educator sent me immediately to the endocrinologist who squeezed me in for an appointment and it was there my fate was sealed and I learned how to inject insulin. My mom and I left that appointment, overwhelmed and still in disbelief, and with what felt like a billion prescriptions that needed to be filled at CVS. Despite some distinct memories, those first few days are a bit of a blur.  Looking back I am amazed I somehow managed to still go to work while going to daily doctor or diabetes education appointments.

The one memory that sticks in my mind the most from those first days was waking up the morning after I was diagnosed and heading downstairs to my kitchen counter to test my blood sugar. As I looked down at the objects that were so foreign to me at the time (a lancet, test strips, needles, insulin), I looked over to my mom and began to cry as I realized this is how I would start my day, every day for the rest of my life. I think I might have broken my mom's heart when I said something along the lines of "I was hoping this would all be a dream".

My mom and I spent weeks just learning about diabetes, reading books, going to classes, while my dining room table was covered with all my new prescriptions and supplies. Those first few days and weeks were tough and certainly life changing but I deeply grateful for all of the support and love I received from my dear family and friends. As I look back on my 4 year anniversary, I realize I have come along way- learning and adjusting but I couldn't have done it without my wonderful family and friends. They got me through it then and four years later- they still get me through it today.

Only Reason I'm Glad the Holidays are Over.....

Whenever December 26th comes around, I begin to experience what I call the “holidays-are-over blues”. It is similar to what you feel on a Sunday night when the let down of the end of the weekend sets in and you feel the dread of the upcoming work week. I get like this after the holidays because of all the built up anticipation and because I so much enjoy all of the preparation. (holiday parties, cookie making, shopping, decorating, etc). Despite January through March having a few high points (we are going to Phillies Spring Training this year!!), they are mostly cold and quiet months that lack the excitement brought upon by the holidays.

Something I am looking forward to in these next couple weeks is getting back on track with my diet and exercise. One of the only good things about the holidays being over is that there are so many less temptations for splurging and finding excuses to skip the gym. I can honestly say that I probably eat more cookies, sweets, and carbs between the weeks of Thanksgiving and the New Year than I do in all of the other weeks of the year put together. I do it fully consciously knowing that it may not be the best thing for my diabetes but feeling like I should let myself enjoy and “live it up”. Unfortunately I am often left with crazy sugars in the aftermath, feeling not so hot, and regretting my decision. It is a constant battle between my willpower and the feeling that I deserve to splurge once in a while. (Luckily my insulin is always off to the side waiting to see who wins.) I have been fairly good about keeping up with my exercise over the last few weeks but have eaten more like I did “pre-diabetes” and would like to get back on track. Not only will my sugars be a little bit less erratic, but I know I will feel better too. Of course during the holiday season (and always), I try to do my best with estimating carbs and insulin. But unfortunately more sweets and carbs equates to more insulin and more room for error and more likely a chance that I will end up with a bad low or high blood sugar.

Tonight I will make dessert for a New Years Eve party and it will hopefully be the last “sweet” thing I cook for a while. I will likely lick the bowl and taste how it comes out tonight (and again tomorrow of course) but I can honestly say I am glad to say goodbye to the “season of eating”. January will not have the temptation of egg nog, peanut butter cookies, stuffing, monkey bread, or pumpkin pie- and for that my diabetes and I gladly welcome in the New Year.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Video I Wanted To Share

I found this video on the diabetes blog sixuntilme (a great blog written by a type 1 named Kerri who inspires her readers through great posts on diabetes and motherhood- love her!)

This video reminded me a lot of a blog post I wrote myself a few weeks ago and then decided to take down. (not sure if that is allowed in the blogging world...) My blog post was about things people say when they are not familiar with diabetes- specifically type 1 diabetes. I wrote about some of the comments I have heard over the years, that despite coming from good intentions, still couldnt help but make me "twinge" a bit. After I wrote it and got some feedback from family and friends, I decided it was a bit harsh and I took it down. Although I want my blog to honest and discuss the tough parts of dealing with diabetes, I do not want to make anyone feel bad in the process.

So instead of sharing with all of you my take on the famous things diabetics "love" to hear, I wanted to post this video. It certainly made me laugh and my sister and I even found ourselves quoting our favorite lines and imitating the great computer voices. Enjoy!

Diabetes "Stuff"

Unfortunately with Type 1 diabetes there comes a lot of “stuff”. I can still remember the day I was diagnosed and my mom and I came home from the Doctor and CVS and laid out all of the supplies and prescriptions- almost enough to cover my whole dining room table. I must give diabetes companies credit because over the years they have done a great job in advancing technology and making devices smaller and more convenient to carry. Still, it can be a hassle to ensure you have all of your supplies with you at all times. I think it must be even tougher for guys because they cannot just shove their meters and test strips into a cute cosmetic case or purse and call it day. I was talking to my a guy friend this morning who is Type 1 and wears a pump and he was telling me that sometimes he just doesn’t carry his meter when he goes out on a Friday or Saturday night because it is too much of a pain to carry around in his pockets. Luckily he doesn’t have to worry about carrying around long oddly shaped insulin pens because he is on a pump, but still I can imagine it is not super convenient to have a blood glucose meter, test strips, and lancet device in your pocket (along with your cell phone, wallet, etc) when you are out at the bar on a Saturday night.  Most of the time my insulin pens, meter, test strips, lancet device, lancets, pen needles, and glucose tabs are in one of my many, many cosmetic cases that I carry around in my purse (yes- when you have diabetes you allow yourself to splurge on cute little bags to carry your stuff! J).  I cannot imagine ever going “meter-less” for a night or even a few hours so I have given up many of my super small clutches and have resigned to using clutches that can fit my loads of stuff.  In addition to all of the supplies I mentioned I usually have a granola bar or some other food with me, my CGM (continuous glucose monitor) if I am wearing it, and sometimes even a back up meter.

When I am out on a run, I usually do not carry my meter with me, but most of the time I stick glucose tabs or “gu” and my CGM in my bra or in a fanny pack thing around my waist. (I know- cool, huh?) Wearing an insulin pump does prevent you from having to carry around your insulin because you are essentially wearing your insulin, but you still have to carry around test strips and something to prick your finger with. When I was on a pump I usually carried back up pen insulin with me too in case of a pump break down.

We, as people with diabetes, are so reliant on our “stuff” it’s almost scary. On Saturday, my boyfriend and I were out for lunch and about to walk up to the Ruby Tuesdays Salad bar (yum!) and I went to the bathroom to check sugar, take my insulin and symlin, etc. When I opened my purse I realized my “diabetes stuff” bag was still in my gym bag in the car so I quickly ran out to get it before we began to eat. Totally NOT a big deal at all, but it reminded me of the times I have shown up at a restaurant or at work without my “stuff” and back home I would go because I could not eat or continue for more than a few hours at work without it. We are reliant on our “stuff” to tell us where are numbers are, where they are going, allow us to eat and absorb our food, and help our bodies function the way they need to in order for us to stay alive. Makes me think instead of complaining about it all…. I guess I should really thank the “stuff”.

My Diabetes "Stuff"

Friday Night: Me, The Stomach Flu, & My Dexcom

This past Friday night, after eating a typical dinner at home, I began the dreaded “stomach flu” experience. I got sick pretty quickly after I ate, which of course left me concerned about the insulin I had taken for a meal that no longer was in my stomach. Many times when I am sick, I have the opposite concern. My sugars are usually higher when I have a cold or a mild stomach ache due to the extra stress on my body, but with the stomach flu my concern is always that my blood sugar will go too low.

To help get my sugar up, I ate some toast and sipped on some Gatorade, all the while knowing it would likely not stay in my body for long. As I watched my CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) hover around 70, I took my CGM, Gatorade, diabetes stuff, cell phone, and trash can up to my bed for what I knew would be a long night.  The few times I have had the stomach flu since diagnosed with diabetes (it will be 4 years this January!), I have been lucky enough to have my mom with me, helping me check my sugars and ensuring I don’t go low in my sleep. To be honest being sick with the stomach flu with diabetes can be scary. You are in and out of sleep, getting sick and knowing you are emptying your body of its sugars. It’s a huge opportunity to have a really bad low blood sugar. Unfortunately my mom, sister, and boyfriend were all unavailable to stay with me and I didn’t want to bug my girlfriends, so I relied on my CGM to help ease my fears and get me through the night. I slept with it right next to me knowing it would alert if my sugar went too low.  I looked over at it every time I rolled over or got out of bed to be sick to see if I needed to drink some Gatorade or take some insulin. Luckily the “extra stress” factor must have kicked in and my sugars rose a bit despite being sick through the night.   

Being sick with a cold, stomach flu, or anything else is tough enough, but being sick when you have diabetes adds another layer of complexity to managing your illness.   In addition to worrying about trying to get healthy, you have to worry about trying to get your erratic sugars under control.  There is no replacement for having someone there to help you out when you are sick (type 1 diabetic or not) but I was really glad to have my CGM with me on Friday to help me monitor my sugars.

Here is a picture and link to website of the CGM device I use.
Feel free to visit it for more information on Continuous Glucose Monitoring.

http://www.dexcom.com

(Picture is from Dexcom website www.dexcom.com)

What I am Thankful For

Yesterday was my favorite day of the year. Thanksgiving. What I love about this holiday is that there is no pressure for gifts or mad rushes to the mall- simply a day spent with family and friends enjoying time together and of course lots of delicious food. In terms of my diabetes- I simply indulge- not worrying too much about how many carbs or sweets I am eating and just take A LOT and I mean A LOT of insulin.

Although I am a day late, I wanted to write about some of the things I am thankful for this year. There is so so much to be thankful for, so this list will in no way even come close to covering it all- but here are a few...

I am thankful for being able to spend time on Thanksgiving with both my family and my boyfriend's family. I am grateful both our families are in the area so we can spend time with both of them without too much craziness. Two wonderful families, two delicious meals, and two opportunities to spend time with our relatives and loved ones.

I am thankful for my sister who continues to amaze me everyday for her ability to manage her job, take care of her home and family, and raise two wonderful children. I look up to her and her ability to manage it so well and with such grace and love.  I am thankful that over the years my sister and I have grown closer than ever and we have been able to be there for each other through all the ups and downs. She is not only my sister but also one of my dearest closest friends.

I am thankful for friends- both old and new and love that Thanksgiving gives me an opportunity to spend time with some friends who are back in the area for the holiday. Keeping up friendships as well as making new ones is so very important to me and I am thankful for all of the wonderful friendships in my life.

Some of my favorite girls....

I am thankful for my niece and nephew who I love and cherish more than I ever thought possible. Of course I knew I would absolutely adore them, but they happiness they bring me and the love I feel for them is beyond what I ever imagined. Nothing makes me happier than hearing from my nephew..."Aunt Heidi...Wanna plaaaaay??"

I am thankful for my mom who is one of the most selfless and loving people that I know. I aspire to live my life as she does- always loving generously and giving so much to others.

I am thankful for being blessed with a job that challenges and teaches me and provides me with the ability to take care of myself, my diabetes, and my home- without lots of worry. (oh and it provides me with good health insurance too.)

Lastly I am thankful for my wonderful boyfriend who is truly my best friend. He inspires me, teaches me, and makes me laugh everyday and I feel so lucky to have him in my life.  Plus..he puts up with my craziness and my diabetes- what can else can a girl ask for?!? :)

Time

So I am bit disappointed in myself that I have not been writing on my blog more often. To be honest it is  bit harder for me to find (or maybe just take) the time to sit down and write. Trying to find time to do everything I would like to do in one day is a constant struggle for me as I am sure it is for many many others. I can only blame part of my "time" issues on diabetes- I blame most of it on being a perfectionist and wanting to do everything as fully and passionately as I can all the time. I want to do well at my job, take care of my health and my house, spend time with my friends and family, and do things I enjoy like running and reading. Still, diabetes does take up a lot of time. So I got to thinking....how much time would I have back if I didn't have diabetes??

I estimate it probably takes me only a minute or so to check my blood sugar and a minute to take my shots...but with testing 8-10 times a day and 4-5 shots a day- there is 20 minutes. And those minutes are even more precious when you are already running late for something and you inconveniently need to stop to find your meter and check and maybe treat a low blood sugar.  That brings me to diabetes time filler #2: the time it takes to treat lows. The actual eating should only take a few seconds if you dont over treat and just take a few glucose tabs, but the time it takes to return to feeling "normal" is usually 15 minutes or so. And for those 15mins- I am pretty much worthless. Sometimes if I have a bad low at night (after 8PM) I am usually done for the night and head to bed early. So those lows cost me over 2 hours. And we all know that I dont always treat the way I should with glucose tabs, and that sometimes I can spend 20 minutes raiding the cabinet and fridge in a fit of hunger eating anything from cheerios to coolwhip.

I also spend alot of time doing what I classify as "admin" type things related to diabetes. For example- scheduling and going to my doctors appointments, getting blood work done, filling prescriptions, trying to squeeze a meter, insulin pens, test strips, my phone, lip gloss, and a granola bar into a very small clutch, buying ketone strips, and arguing with insurance companies about claims and co-pays. I also spend alot of time "thinking" about my diabetes. I read in a diabetes blog once a comment to the question of "what would you do if they cured of diabetes?" There was one response along the lines of  "I don't even know what I would do with that entire side of my brain that is thinking about diabetes all day every day." and it is really true. I spend so much time calculating carbs (or at times completely guessing how many carbs are on my plate), deciding how much insulin to take, worrying about lows, and being frustrated and even scared when my numbers are out of wack for no reason.

Since diabetes is a big part of my life, it unfortunately takes up alot of my time. Although I will give it credit for helping me spend more times in certain areas. For example, I probably spend more time sleeping and working out than I would if I didnt have diabetes, which isnt necessarily a bad thing (as long as you dont over do it.) I probably spend more time grocery shopping to ensure I always have fruit and veggies and my other necessities on hand and also more time cooking or preparing food since I rarely stop for any type of fast food- pizza, burgers, etc. Again- not a bad thing. Lastly- as I have mentioned before- diabetes has helped me spend more of my time giving back to a charity that is important to me- the JDRF. The time and friendships I have made and time I have invested  with regards to JDRF have been life changing for me.  So again- not a bad thing at all.

My first 10 mile run....

For last few years, I have been running as my primary form of exercise. I run anywhere from 3-6 miles a few times a week with once in a while pushing myself to run longer- up to 7 or 8 miles. I hadn't pushed myself much farther than that primarily because of my fears of my blood sugar bottoming out and just really not being sure if I would need to stop to have some sugar at some point through a run longer than 7 or 8 miles. I know there are plenty of Type 1 diabetics that run marathons and do triathlons and manage to make it work but I had found myself in my mileage comfort zone- alittle uneasy to push myself further. This morning I decided to just go for it and I went for 10 miles for the first time. In order to prevent dropping during the hour and a half I was out running, I started with my BG close to 280 and ended up feeling great through the whole run. I am proud I pushed myself and conquered my mini "diabetic fear". I hate to admit that my diabetes held me back from conquering this fear earlier, but as I have mentioned in my earlier posts- sometimes avoiding lows on just my shorter runs is tough enough. Turns out managing this 10 mile run wasn't as bad as I thought, and it has given me confidence I can figure out how to manage going even further. I will likely be super sore tomorrow considering I had to rake leaves this afternoon after my run and we took Max for a long walk after dinner- but it will be worth it. I feel great physically and emotionally that I hit this small milestone and didn't even have a low in the process.

Frustration from Lows

I wanted to write this next post about lows. I think low blood sugars are one of the most frustrating part of diabetes. Preventing and being prepared for lows is always on the back of my mind, yet they still seem to sneak up on me and come at really inconvenient times. Most of my lows come on during a run or workout. Very inconvenient. I rarely feel like I can recover from a low that comes on during exercise so I usually end up having to end my workout early.  Its frustrating and usually leaves me envying those people that can continue on exercising without having to stop for Gatorade or glucose tabs. Instead of being able to spend another half hour or so releasing stress and burning calories, I end up calling it quits and consuming calories to bring my blood sugar up.

On Friday I had a really bad low at work, which brings me to inconvenient low situation #2: while you are at work or in an important meeting. On Friday I was leading a meeting and my CGM vibrated to indicate I was below 70. While the meeting continued, I checked my blood sugar and as my sugar continued to drop, my mind got fuzzier. I would have loved for the meeting (and work) to stop because I had a low, but I of course did not want to draw attention to my low and have to try to explain how I was feeling. So I suffered through my fogginess as a I slipped three glucose tabs into my mouth and waited for my sugar to come up.  Another annoying time for lows to come on is after a big meal. Those times when you know you ate alot and therefore took a bunch of insulin to cover and over estimated how much carbs/insulin you needed. Knowing you need to then consume more calories/sugar to bring your blood sugar up is again frustrating. I find it hard to explain to those not familiar with type 1 diabetes how I can be low after eating a huge meal, but it happens- and it stinks.

Besides being unpredictable, inconvenient, and forcing you to intake calories and carrying around some sort of food/sugar with you ALL the time, lows are a pain because they feel crappy. I had a low today while walking in the mall with my mom and in addition to being sweaty and shaking, I didn't even have the energy to hold a conversation with her until my blood sugar came up. They can leave you weak, light headed and confused and make you want to eat everything around you to make the feeling go away. (I will have to write another post about some of the weird things I have eaten when I have been low....I think I melted peanut butter and cool whip on a granola bar one time...).  I have heard of some Type 1's aiming to keep their blood sugar over 200 all the time just to avoid preventing lows. Obviously not the smartest thing to do but I can see why people would want to do that. We all try to avoid lows in our own ways, but unfortunately those of us who try for very tight blood sugar control experience them more frequently. For me, a few days without a low is a rarity- but putting up with the lows is worth it if it means my body will be healthy in the long run.