Ever since my last post about my "day off from diabetes" I have been doing a lot of thinking about this whole blog thing. I started this blog for two reasons. 1- I wanted a way to reach out to the diabetes community and had hopes that my blog could somehow help or inspire others affected by Type 1 Diabetes and 2- I thought it would be a good outlet for me to share my ups and downs and help me as I work to manage stress and the variety of other emotions we all go through in our daily lives. I never wanted my blog to be a place where I would simply complain or vent negative thoughts and feelings and I certainly never wanted anyone to read my blog and be left sad, discouraged or thinking I am asking for any type of sympathy as I deal with my disease. At the same time, I want to be able to be honest about my feelings no matter which end of the spectrum they may be on, which is why I am struggling a bit with this last post.
After I put up my post about wishing among other things that I could run out the house with a very small clutch containing nothing that has the word "glucose" associated with it, I thought I had posted something light hearted but at the same time real and honest. It felt good to daydream even just for a half hour about having a day off from diabetes and it felt good to write about it. What didn’t feel good was having both my Mother and Sister say that reading the post had made them sad. On the one hand, I realize this was maybe in a way inevitable because they love me and only want the very best for me diabetes related and not. Still, it got me thinking if maybe that blog post (and other posts) have been too negative and maybe even seemed as though I wanted people to feel bad for me living in my world where I do not have a day off from diabetes. Although I do wish everyday for a cure for diabetes, every day I also remind myself of the many many blessings in my life. I have wonderful friends and family that support me and love me and bring me so much happiness. I am lucky to have a great job that allows for me to live comfortably and get fabulous medical care and overall I am in great health. I would like to think I don't spend much time feeling bad for myself in terms of my diabetes and in fact,I think this blip in the road has only made me more grateful and aware of all of the wonderful things in my life.
Diabetes can be tough sometimes and I may get frustrated, scared and even angry at times but overall I know how truly lucky I am and I hope that this comes across to both those who know me and those who read my blog. I want to write about the hard stuff to show others with similar struggles that they aren't alone, but I realize I can't have a blog filled with only worries, wishes and complaints. Maybe I just need to make time to write more about all the special things going on in my life that I am so grateful for. Nieces taking their first steps, grandparents turning another year older, and having a simple dinner and movie night with my boyfriend. It is these things that make me feel so blessed and grateful but many times I am only moved to blog when something is troubling me or I feel the need to vent.
So where does this leave me with my blog? I am hoping to continue with my blog and with writing, but am realizing just how hard it is to put yourself and your real feelings out there. With a blog, you are only putting up small snip-its into your life and don’t know how others will interpret it. I guess I will do some more thinking about this blogging thing and keep writing as I find the time and feel inspired. But in the meantime, please know- yes I would certainly love a day off from diabetes- but a day off from everything else wonderful in my life- no chance.